Chapter Two

A golden ship, waiting just for him. Pillar wondered how the hunk of precious metal could even float. It gleamed in an unknown source of light, it seemed to even glow from within. Pillar stood gripping the rails that kept him sturdy on a golden platform, wanting to board the beautiful ship. His attention however, moved from the ship to the sloshing sound beneath him. He gasped as he realized he was standing ankle deep in water, the levels rising rapidly. In a matter of seconds the water was to his knees, filling his boots with cold water. He wanted to run, to get away, but where to? There was no escape from the water that now engulfed the lower part of his body. He tried to run up the stairs behind him, only to find that they were no longer there. He gasped as the cold water came up to his neck. It made it hard to breathe, craning his neck at an uncomfortable angle to keep his head above the water. He gulped in the last of the air before the chamber completely filled with water. 

He was stationary for a moment, making the mistake of looking at his feet once more. There was no longer solid ground beneath him but dark, cold, waters that seemed to go down for miles. Then he felt it. They wrapped around him like eels, rough against his skin, digging into him as their grip tightened. They pulled him down, down, the water getting colder with every second that he sunk… down, down…

Pillar sat up and gasped for air, clawing at the things wrapped around his body. He only paused when he heard the tear of fabric. He winced at the sound. He wasn’t drowning in cold water, he was in a soft, warm bed, and he had just ripped his bedsheets in half. He sat there, still taking in lungfuls of precious air- Gods he loved breathing-

Eventually the panic subsided, his scarred hands twisting the ripped sheets as though they held the cold water from his nightmare. It had been awful, it felt so real- but Gods was that ship beautiful. He wondered if a ship could really be made of gold, if it could float, or would it just…sink-

Pillar moved his eyes around the room, the only source of light coming from the moon that showed through the curtains. He got up and walked towards the window, opening the curtains slightly. The moon was high and bright in the sky, but below was a blanket of mist, covering the Lucent Sea. He had always wondered why it had been given that name, it was the complete opposite. It was dark and cold, would swallow you whole-

He was brought back to reality by movement in the mist. He squinted to see what the large figure was, but it was so hard to tell that he assumed his tired mind was playing games with him. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind when he noticed a golden flash at the corner of his eye. The ship! But as he turned he realized it was just the trophies that sat on the vanity that had caught the moonlight. He walked over to them, running his finger over the smooth shapes. They were his old trophies from long ago. He had been a champion sailor, winning countless games. He opened one of the larger trophies, putting his hand inside and fishing out medals and colorful ribbons. He looked at each one of them, silently laughing at the names he had picked out for his racing ships as a kid. “Hole in my Hull” was one of his favorites, “Decked Out” was clever as well. He smiled as he opened a small envelope containing a picture of him on each one of his racing boats, the ship's name written in his neat cursive on the back. He smiled at all the images and prizes from his childhood, but frowned as he saw his reflection in the mirror that sat behind all the trophies. What had happened to him? Why did everything have to go wrong? The mirror's reflection gave the answers to his questions, showing him the scars that wrapped around his body. He couldn’t take it anymore, draping the ripped bedsheet over the mirror that seemed to ripple like the surface of water.

ꕀ𓊝ꕀ𓊝ꕀ𓊝ꕀ𓊝ꕀ𓊝ꕀ𓊝ꕀ

“I see you have copies of all the books my dad would read us-” Pillar flipped through the thin books with gold spines lazily. He sat on the playroom floor with his “nephew” Cassian. Finnegan sat on the floor with his friend, watching his son play with blocks a few feet away. 

“I thought they were nice, little tales of pirates, mermaids, and fantasy lands below the water's surface. What kid wouldn’t like that?”

“Me.” Pillar stated, picking up another book that sat on the bookshelf. “Really? Goddess of the Tides?? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What? It’s a good story.”

“It really isn’t-” 

“Well I’m sorry it scared you half to death as a child.” Finnegan had an incredibly smug look on his face.

“Sure Finney, and I wasn’t the one who wet the bed after hearing the story of the watery dead.”

Finnegans face turned an unusual shade of infuriated red. Pillar laughed. “Now boys, don’t fight, you're thirty, not three.” Finnegans wife, Lyla, walked in, putting on some earrings.

“Afternoon Lyla, you look nice.”

“Thank you Pillar, me and Finnegan actually have a date tonight and we were wondering if you could watch him till we got back.”

“Sure, I can watch him for a few hours. What do you wanna do buddy?” 

Cassian turned away from his tower of blocks, “Beach.”

“No Cassian, you know uncle Pillar doesn’t like the beach, can’t you choose something else?”

“BEACH!”

Pillar felt bad that the kid wanted to go to the beach so bad. “It’s okay, Lyla, I can be on the beach for a few hours. I don’t mind the sand, it’s just the water-”

Lyla smiled at him and walked over and picked up her son. “Uncle Pillar is kind enough to go to the beach with you, so you must follow his rules, okay? And do not go near the water, I don’t want you getting all wet.” Cassian only nodded his head, then fussed wanting to be put down. “Okay, well we’re leaving now, so say goodbye to daddy, Cassian.” Cassian hugged his father who had crouched down and then hugged his mother. “Alright you boys be good now, we’ll see you later.” And with that the couple left.

The walk to the beach was a nice one, passing by all the nice houses and the old town square. Pillar and Cassian walked hand in hand, Pillar carrying a basket and Cassian carried a metal bucket to play with. 

When the pair had made it to the beach, Pillar set a blanket far back from the water. Even though this beach had rocks that separated the ocean from the sand, Pillar didn’t want to take any chances. For a while Pillar played with Cassian, making many sandcastles and sifting through sand to find small shells and pretty rocks. After a while Cassian wanted to play alone, walking a few feet away to build a giant sandcastle. Pillar sighed and laid on his back. It was rare to find land nowadays, made of sand or dirt or whatnot. This planet was made up of ninety percent or more water. Most cities were actually built on massive boardwalk type structures, large pillars being drilled into the sea floor hundreds of feet below. In actuality, this wasn’t a beach but more like an island of sand is what he and Cassian sat on at this very moment. As he bathed in the sun he thought about how some scientists believed that there was actually much more land, but it was an inner-earth. Pillar thought the idea was ridiculous however. How would someone even get to the supposed “inner-earth”? He didn’t have time to think about it however because complaints from Cassian about hunger shifted his mind back to the present.

After Cassian and Pillar finished lunch, Cassian showed  his uncle the few shells he had found. “What’s wrong?” Pillar asked, the boy seemed somewhat disappointed in his finds.

“Well, the good shells are in the tidepools. Daddy always takes me.” Pillar silently held his breath. The pair both looked towards the tidepools, made up of dark jagged rocks. Pillar remembered that Finnegan had loved the tidepools. Oh how Cassian was so much like his father, he looked more like his mother for sure, but there was no mistaking the mischievous and adventures gleam in the little boy's eyes. Pillar was silent as he watched small waves crash against the rocks. He closed his eyes for a moment then looked down at the boy. 

“Fine, we can go for a little bit, but we are going nowhere near the water.” Cassian cheered and led the way down the beach. Pillar had no idea why he had allowed this to happen, but they would be protected by the rocks, so it’d be okay. 

Cassian waited for his uncle by the rocks, he held his small toy boat in his hand while Pillar held the bucket. Pillar smiled down at him but spoke in a serious voice. “We can play here for a little while but while we are walking there you must not let go of this bucket. You will either hold the bucket with me or hold my hand. You mustn't go very far, always stay near me and don’t go near deep water. Am I understood?”

“Yes uncle Pillar.” They smiled at each other and they held onto the metal bucket together. 

Pillar eventually found a nice spot to stop; it wasn’t too far from the sand and it had enough tidepools for Cassian to play in without getting close to the water. Pillar sat down as far away from the water as he could, and read a book that he had brought. Cassian ran from tide pool to tide pool, collecting all sorts of shells that varied in size, color, and shape. Eventually he came back to Pillar and sat beside him. He was quiet as he laid out the shells in small rows. Pillar would point out the shells that he liked, and Cassian would remove the shells and start a new row. Pillar smiled and shook his head in amusement. “Now what are all these shells for?”

“I’m making a necklace for Mommy, I want to give it to her when she gets back.”

“That’s very sweet of you Cassian, but do you have any string?” Cassian turned his metal pail upside down and out fell a ball of twine. Pillar laughed, “Very well, I’ll leave you to your jewelry making.” He turned his attention back to his book. He could concentrate better on what he was reading now that Cassian sat directly beside him instead of wandering around.

Pillar had been fully absorbed in his book of the building of flying boats when a piercing scream ripped him from his reading. He jumped up to find Cassian still next to him, but he was wailing and pointing at something. He crouched down to the small boy and took his hand. “Cassian? Hey, what’s wrong?” Cassian still pointed but his wails had turned to sniffles. “Cassian, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong. You need to use your words. Take a deep breath and tell me why you're upset.”

The little boy did as he was told. “My- my boat. It’s floating away.” Pillar could practically feel his stomach sink into his boots. 

“Okay, come with me and let’s see what we can do.” He walked with Cassian towards the water, with an extremely firm grip on the boy's hand. He felt himself get dizzy as the sound of waves crashing got louder with every step they took towards the water. They stopped when Pillar decided that was as close as he’d get to the ocean. He felt his heart sink as he saw the toy boat floating in the water. Even if it was no more than five feet away from the rocks, it seemed as though it could have been five miles away. Pillar swallowed and looked down at his nephew. His eyes were dead set on the little red and white fishing boat. He looked up at his uncle with desperation written all over his face.

“Can you get it?”

Pillar sighed heavily, looking out at the water, the boat being pushed farther away with every wave. “I-” but his sentence was cut short as he looked down at Cassian. He forced a fake smile, “I can try to get it. But you do not come any closer to the water. Take a few steps back and wait.” He swallowed hard; his mouth suddenly became extremely dry. He hated what he was about to do. He slowly edged towards the water, hating the way the waves looked so much bigger as he got closer. The rocks started to angle in a  downward slope, Pillar slowly picking his way through the rocks and the tide pools that had begun to become deeper. He scanned his surroundings; there was a small outcropping of rocks that could get him closer to the rocks but he had to climb. Well climbing is better than swimming, he guessed. He hastily climbed over the jagged rocks, trying not to slip while keeping his eye on the toy boat. After some intense scrambling he made his way to the outcropping, running across the flattened rock to make up for the time he had wasted; every second he spent climbing rocks, the further the boat had gone. He came to the edge, his head swimming as he saw the water just inches from his feet. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, he was going to do this, for Cassian. 

He slowly stepped into the water, which was about ankle deep. He slowly walked, praying to the sea gods that they wouldn’t pull the boat out any farther. His right hand grasped the rocks behind him as he slowly made his way out into the sea. He tried to ignore the feeling of water around his calves, trying to block all thoughts of water out by chanting in his mind This is for Cassian! He was so close to the boat. He could hardly breathe as his hand reached out towards the toy, he was shaking but he was only inches away from victory. Then the wave hit. Big and strong. Pillar cried out in horror as his knee high boots filled to the brim with salt water. He couldn’t do it. All thoughts of Cassian were instantly pushed aside by thoughts of terror, of water, of drowning. He scrambled across rocks as he made his way back to Cassian. Once he reached the boy he ripped off his boots, trying to get away from the water inside them. The boy watched him, wet eyes large with worry. “Uncle Pillar?” He turned and looked out at the water; his boat had floated far away at this point. He turned back to Pillar, tears building in the corners of his eyes. “Uncle Pillar, my boat!” He pointed and began to wail, tears flowing down his cheeks. He cried as Pillar sat and watched. He let his eyes fall, his chest still heaving with panic. He had failed Cassian, and seeing him cry was like a nail in the coffin. He got up and put on his soggy leather boots. He went over to Cassian, kneeled down, and hugged him. “I’m sorry Cassian. The boat was too far for me to reach-” It wasn’t too far, you’re just a scardy-cat. If you tried you would’ve gotten it! “What if I got you a new boat instead?”

“But that was my favorite-” The little boy managed to mumble between gasps and tears. Pillar could feel his heart breaking as he watched his young nephew cry. 

“I’m really sorry Cassian, You know I would’ve done anything to get the boat back.” He looked out to the ocean, the boat was now a barely visible dot in the water, slowly being consumed by the incoming fog. “C’mon, we should get going. It’s getting foggy and it’ll get cold. We’ll get lost if we don’t leave soon.” He picked the sobbing boy up and walked back to the spot he had been sitting at earlier, putting all the shells back into the bucket. Once he had the bucket of shells and his book, he walked back to the beach with Cassian, never once looking back at the water. 

On the way back to the house, Pillar brought Cassian an ice cream to cheer him up. He didn’t mind as the strawberry ice cream dripped onto his new white shirt; Cassian seemed too sad to eat it fast enough before it melted. 

By the time they reached the house, everything was shrouded in mist, like a white blanket had been laid over the town. Pillar received the message that Finnegan and Lyla would be out for longer than expected. Pillar bathed Cassian as he was sticky from the ice cream, then put him to bed, even if it was still quite early. He selected a book, but was only able to read a few pages before Cassian was fast asleep. He got up and walked back to his room, closing the curtains and laying on his bed. He realized he had accidentally brought the book he had been reading with him. He smiled sadly and began to read again, this time silently to himself. This was his favorite story growing up as a child. The Treasure Boat was a story of a pirate who was stranded on a desert island. He had tried many methods to get back to his old home where he could get a new boat. He tried building a raft of sticks, but they were too skinny. He tried riding on dolphins but he was too heavy. He tried to catch a ride on a whale but it couldn’t get close enough to shore. He tried to hold onto the birds legs as they flew, but was too heavy for them as well. All he had left was his treasure he had been stranded with. He then had an idea. He used all his treasure to create a boat of gold, and sailed home on his new ship. Pillar smiled as he read the last few sentences, slowly drifting to sleep.

Pillar woke to the sound of his bedroom door opening, assuming it was Cassian. Instead he was greeted by his friend Finnegan. “Good night out?” He asked, forcing a smile. 

“Yea, it was nice to have some time to ourselves.” His green eyes searched the chocolate brown eyes of his friend. “Cassian told me what happened-” Pillar instantly looked away in shame. 

“I’m sorry, I-” but he was cut short by the entrance of Lyla, who was holding an awake Cassian. He noticed that she was wearing the necklace her son had made her, Finnegan was wearing one as well.

She smiled kindly at him, putting Cassian down on the ground. “My son has something to say to you.” She urged Cassian on as he walked to him. 

“I’m sorry uncle Pillar.” Pillar smiled down at him.

“It’s okay Cassian. I’ll make it up to you I promise. It was just an accident, so don’t feel too bad, okay?” His friend gave him a sharp look.

Cassian grinned at his uncle. “I made you something, but you have to close your eyes.” Pillar smiled as he closed his eyes. He felt an object being placed in his hand. “Open.” He opened his eyes and was greeted with a string of pretty shells, most of them were the ones he had pointed out earlier.

“Thank you Cassian, I’ll treasure it forever.” He gave his nephew a hug then said goodnight to him and his mother. He watched as Lyla closed the door behind her, Finnegan still sitting beside him on the bed. 

“You don’t have to get him another boat ya know-”

“No I should, after I lost his favorite today.”

“Caspian, he’s a four year old boy, he’ll have a new favorite boat by tomorrow morning and will have completely forgotten about that boat.”

“But still-”

“Caspian, it’s fine. He has too many boats anyways.” He watched his friend, searching his facial features to an answer to a question he was afraid to ask. “It’s not about the boat, is it?”

Like always, Finnegan hit the nail on the head. Pillar looked away, trying to hide the way his face scrunched in silent agony. Finnegan put his arm around his friend's shoulder and brought him into a hug. “I- I could’ve gotten the boat if I just tried a little harder. It was so close Finegan- I just had to reach a little farther- BUT THAT STUPID WAVE-” 

Finnegan stared in amazement for a second. “Wait, you mean to tell me you actually went in the water to get that stupid boat?” 

Pillar nodded silently. “Into knee high water- it got into my boots, so sorry if the leather smells in the washroom-” Finnegan laughed. He laughed so hard that he had doubled over and was holding his midsection. He had such an infectious laugh that even Pillar forgot his woes and began to laugh as well. “What’s so funny Finney?” 

“You’re worried about my son's boat when you literally went into water. WATER! Don’t you realize how huge that is for you?” At this point he had stopped laughing. “I’ll be honest, I was shocked to see you on the dock the other day. I wondered why you hadn’t panicked, I mean, that’s right on the water!” 

Pillart smiled sadly, looking down at the book in his hands. “It took a while, but the dock is a sturdy surface and there’s no waves, so it’s okay.” He grinned at his friend. “I’ll admit it took me forever to step on that dock the first time. It was the closest I’d been to open water in years.” He smiled more to himself now than his friend. “But it was worth all the heartache in the end.”

“So why beat yourself over today?”

“It was the panic, I felt like I couldn’t breathe-” He was upset again, at the painfully recent memory. He got up and paced. “I mean, I’m Captain Pillar’s son for crying out loud! I lived on a boat till I was fifteen! And now what? I’m scared of water???” with every word he spoke his voice got louder till he was practically screaming. 

“PILLAR!” Finnegan could only get his friends' attention by being louder.

“WHAT?” He whirled around to face his friend. “DON’T TELL ME I’M NOT PATHETIC BECAUSE I AM! A SAILOR, AFRAID OF THE SEA!!! THAT SHOULDN’T BE A SENTENCE THAT SHOULD EXIST! THAT’S-”

But he was cut off by Finnegan who had grabbed his best friend by the arms. “CASPIAN PILLAR! Have you forgotten why you're scared of the sea? Of water? YOU DROWNED. YOU WERE DEAD! No one ever comes back from that! It’s a miracle you can even stand on the dock-” he didn’t get to finish his sentence as he was crushed into a hug by Pillar. He hugged him back. “You have every right to be as scared as you are. And you're so strong, going back to the water, even if it’s a slow and painful process.” The friends smiled at each other. “Now get some sleep, sailor, we have stuff to do tomorrow.” Pillar said goodnight and Finnegan yelled over his shoulder as he walked out of the room, “AND DON’T YOU DARE BUY MY SON ANOTHER BOAT!” Pillar laughed and got ready for bed.

ꕀ𓊝ꕀ𓊝ꕀ𓊝ꕀ𓊝ꕀ𓊝ꕀ𓊝ꕀ

Pillar always started his day by walking out on the dock. He had learned in the early days of his trauma that the only way you could defeat it was by doing an action constantly. 

He got dressed into His usual flowing white shirt and navy blue pants, smiling as he put on the necklace of shells Cassian had made him. He stared at himself in the floor length mirror. Something was missing- He had worn this simple outfit for years but there was something off. That’s when it caught his eye in the mirror. 

His father’s coat. It was the same shade of navy blue as his pants on the outside but was a luxurious dark red on the inside. He was hesitant but put it on, immediately loving the warmth it gave him. But something was still missing, and that something sat on the frame of the mirror. His old captains’ hat. It was old and worn, made of canvas and navy blue fabric, but it brought back the good memories of his air shipping days, and it gave him confidence too. He’d certainly need the confidence today. 

Pillar was glad to find that his boots had dried overnight, exiting the house through the wash room. It was chilly outside because of the mist, Pillar was now especially glad of the coat. He slowly walked down and out onto the dock, focusing on the noise his boots made on the wooden dock. He stopped about halfway and looked out, then turned his face upwards and closed his eyes. It felt nice out on that dock, the sturdy platform beneath his feet and the noiseless water in front of him. He smiled as he felt the sun on his skin, burning through the mist. He opened his eyes and that’s when he saw it.

He had been momentarily blinded by it, the way it sparkled in the sun. He walked towards it, afraid that it was his eyes or mind playing tricks on him. He looked around then picked up the shiny object. There was no way that it could’ve just appeared on the dock, the water didn’t come up that high, and the current was going the opposite direction- Someone must’ve placed it there. There was no other explanation for it. “Hello?” Pillar called, turning in a loose circle. No one. “I’d like to thank whoever returned this!” Still nothing, only the water seemed to respond, the waves less calm than usual, slowly lapping against the dock. “THANK YOU!” He screamed into the dissipating mist, then looked back down at the object in hand.

It was a little toy boat, white with a large red stripe, a small smoke stack and a large rod at the end. On the side of the boat, Cassian was painted in a silver, cursive font.

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